Here at Vegan Baked Goods and Holy Water, LLC, we strive to make the tastiest cakes with the most wholesome, cruelty-less ingredients possible
and also guided by the principles of The Old and New Testaments, The Koran, The Communist Manifesto, Saul Alinsky's Rules For Radicals, The Bhagavad Gita, The Talmhud, The People's Republic of Louisiana,
The Constitution of The United States of Iraq, and never forgettin', The New Farm Vegetarian Cookbook.
So me and old man Jesus Pinkelwicz was sittin' up at the creek. Lo, a burnin' tire flew overhead and damned if lil' Pinkelwicz didn't get out
his semi-automatic weapon and run that obvious religious symbol through with holes. None too quck though, I heard it say to me as it
sailed past about the importance of bakin' vegan cakes and how I should give it a real good thinking to. I tell ya, that tire made an impression on me to last my whole life.
You know what that flamin' rubber bitch told me? I'll share with ya some of what I 'member:
Vegans don't oftern get treats, so if yer not gonna bake it awesome, dont'cha bother with it at all.
Set the example, YO. When non-vegan folks eat suck-ass vegan cake it leaves 'em with a nasty impression.
They'll always whine, complain and think that vegan cake sucks, and ya know that they'll make gossip to all the neighbors about it too.
The egg-eaters who eat yer awesome eggless delights will be inspired by its very deliciousness. They will know that being vegan is easy and so fulfilling.
They might even aspire to its depths.
The milk-eaters who eat nummy vegan cake will hanker after yer recipes. They will go home and attempt to duplicate the yummy vegan cake inspiration you fed them. Sharing feels so good too.
Double layer it homie and make sure that frosting is piled on so thick that you lose sensation in your fingertips when you stick it in to taste.
When the world ends, it'll be neither by inferno nor flood, it'll be because you didn't let my man Pinkelwicz lick the last bit of butterscotch
frosting from yer ol' beaters. Afterall, I've supplied Pinkelwicz with security cameras posted at every corner lampost, why take the risk?
And let's look forward to January, 2005 when George W. Bush will no longer be eating Dick Cheney's boogers in the White House.
here are the recipes he done tore out.