Cooking by kittee:

they said it couldn't be done...
mmmmmmakes two Glam-a-lamourous Danish-Style Cakes.

(Thanks to Pamela from the PPK for these awesome photos of her King Cake!)

What you need for the cake:

What you need for the frosting glaze:

For the cinnamon sugar filling:

  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
  • 1/3 cup soy margarine, very soft
    1. Mix sugar, cinnamon and softened margarine together well. Set aside.

    For the cherry filling:

  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 15.5 oz can pitted cherries in pear juice
  • 2 tablespoons cornstarch
  • 1 small beet, peeled and grated for color (or red food coloring)

    1. Drain the cherries and reserve juice. Chop coarsely.
    2. Into a small saucepan over medium heat, combine the chopped cherries, reserved juice, and sugar. If the color is not bright enough, you can grate the beet and squeeze the beet juice into the mix.
    3. Bring to a simmer. Remove a tablespoon of the juice to a small bowl and add the cornstarch. Mix well to make a slurry (no lumps). Add the slurry back to the cherries and stir constantly until thickened.
    4. Remove from heat and chill.

    For the cream cheeze filling:

  • 1 1/2 containers Tofutti Better Than Cream Cheeze (12 oz.)
  • 2 tablespoons flour
  • 1 cup powdered sugar
  • 1 teaspoon Frangelica hazelnut liquor (or use vanilla extract)
    1. Beat the cream cheeze until smooth.
    2. Beat in the flour, sugar and liquor until smooth. Reserve.

    What you do for the cake:

    1. Whiz the silken tofu in a bowl with the lemon juice, half container of cream cheeze and a tad of salt, to taste.
    2. Combine the soy margarine, whizzed tofu cream cheeze mixture, 1/3 cup sugar and teaspoon salt in a medium saucepan. Heat until the margarine melts, stirring occasionally until smooth. Let the mixture cool to 105-115F .
    3. While the above is cooling, dissolve the yeast and 1 tablespoon sugar in warm water in a large bowl. Let it stand for five minutes, it will just begin to foam. Add the cooled tofu cream cheeze mixture, the egg substitute liquid and 2 cups of flour.
    4. Stir by hand until smooth. Gradually stir in enough remaining flour to make a soft dough. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic (about 10 minutes). (If the dough seems firm after only 5 cups of flour keep adding flour while you knead. The dough will take a lot more flour that way.) (Edited 02/04/05: After adding in the two cups flour, I transferred this to my Kitchenaid mixer and kneaded with the dough hook for 6 minutes while continually adding the flour. It worked fantabulously.
    5. Place the dough in a well-oiled bowl, turning to coat top. Cover and let rise in a warm place free of drafts, for 1 hour or until the dough has doubled.
    6. Meanwhile, get your choice of filling ready. If you use the cherry, make sure it is not hot. For the cakes I made tonight, I made the cream cheeze and cherry fillings and put both in each cake. MMMmmmM.
    7. Punch down the dough and divide in half. Turn one portion out onto a lightly floured surface and roll into a 26"X12" rectangle. This takes work and a lot of room. Get a yardstick! I do this on my formica counter and the surface works great. I barely need any extra flour and the dough doesn't stick at all and is a snap to roll out.
    8. Spread half of your chosen filling(s) over the rolled out dough. Leave about two inches free on the top for the cream cheese and cherry varieties, because the filling will squish up as you roll up the dough and ooze out the top.
    9. Starting at the bottom (wide side), roll the dough up jellyroll style to form a thick log about 26" long. Hide a small plastic doll somewhere in the dough as you roll it up (whoever gets the piece with the doll and doesn't choke to death has to make the cake for the coming year.)
    10. Pinch the seam really, really well to seal. Gently and oh-so-carefully, place the coil, seam side down, on a lightly greased baking sheet. Bring the ends together to form an elliptical ring. Pinch the ends together to seal well (if you don't seal it properly, it will open up during baking and ooze).
    11. Preheat the oven to 375F.
    12. Cover and let rise in a warm place, free of drafts, for 20 minutes or until doubled in bulk.
    13. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until golden brown.
    14. Repeat procedure with the remaining dough and your choice of filling(s).

    For the frosting glaze:

    1. Melt the margarine over low heat.
    2. Combine the melted margarine, sifted powdered sugar and liquor together and beat with a spoon 'till smooth.
    3. Slowly add the ricemilk (while stirring continuously) until you reach a desired consistency for drizzling (you might not need it all.)
    4. Divide the frosting in two, if you want two different colored cakes. (Do it however you like, though I made one cake completely green and one yellow with all colors of sprinkles and they came out looking really great. Avoid trying to make purple from red and blue food always turns sorta kidney colored instead. If you're determined to have a purple cake, go to a specialty store and buy purple tint already mixed.)
    5. Transfer the cake to a large platter with room on all sides to catch glaze runoff. Spoon the glaze over the cake making sure to cover it completely. You can re-spoon any that has glopped over the sides and is pooling on the tray.
    6. Generously add sprinkles (for authencity, use only purple, green and gold) and allow the glaze set about an hour. Serve or cover well and refrigerate if you are not eating it right away. Before service, bring to room temperature.

    Incidentally, dears, I just moved to New Orleans. It wasn't five minutes after I unloaded my 40-gallon drum of nutritional yeast that McKenzie's, which used to make something like forty-five katillion non-vegan king cakes every year, decided to go out of business. So I guess I'll have to fill the void. Anyone know where I can buy forty-five katillion plastic baby dolls, cheap-like? Heh-heh. A heh.

    Seriously, though, you should come down here, saddle up one of our giant palmetto bugs (cockroaches with glorious wings that soar to the heavens), and ride the booger around drunkenly in the streets outside Ms. Mae's, where, I'm told, you can cure your depression/boredom/lumbago/attitude with three-for-one drinks Thursdays. Note, it's Grade-A vegan to ride palmetto bugs. And perhaps I insult your intelligence, but it's also vegan to eat your boogers.

    I was gonna keep this rant focused on veganism, but can I just tell you that my stanky neighbor demanded that I move my car from its favorite parking space beside a public curb b/c the neighbor has two cars and needs all the space free? Poo to him, I say.

    Now, back to all the glorious goo we put into our mouths in this city. This is one vegan-ass town, superfly. Falafel balls fall from the sky, and tahini rains down every afternoon to cool us off. You walk into the coffee houses here and wink at the girlie-boy behind the counter? That's your command for him/her to spray soymilk right into the center of your grin. Num-num.

    Cooking by kittee: